Autism Growth and Change 2018 has been a year of twists and turns.

I realized I hadn't written in quite awhile. My sister passed away and I tried to envision my life without her voice, guidance, smile, love, support, and strength. 
When I thought the pain was more than I could bear, Not quite a week later the father of my children, love, friend,soul-mate,protector, and defender passed away as well.

I am still reeling from the loss, so much so that there are days when all I can do is moan or cry to release some of the anguish I feel now that I no longer have a partner in crime, a ride or die.  Some days it seems like a dream from which I will awaken, and others it feels as though i'm in an alternate universe like in a sci-fi movie.

I wonder where he is and what he's doing, if he's missing us as much as we're missing him. If he has regrets, and wishes he could have a chance to do things differently.    It's almost Christmas and I'm trying to feel the happiness of the season.  I'm in a new home, the kids are in a new school, and now I must adjust to my new life and with one foot in front of the other and one day at a time continue this journey.

My son says a few more words, and gets bigger everyday.  He now has an opinion about what he wears, he no longer just puts on the clothes and socks I choose without question.  With his new found independence I am excited and afraid for him in this world that has little or no tolerance for those that are different.  I can't explain to him what to do if confronted by police, I can't tell him to be afraid of strangers, they may victimize him and hurt him.

These are truly frightening times and our administration make it even worse.
I hope and pray things get better, and God grants me the strength to endure.


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