Autism, Motherhood, Loving Loyal Friends& Family What I'm thankful for...

To quote Frank Sinatra "I did it My way"

 Since my Mom passed I basically feel like a boat set adrift in the ocean with no navigational ability and no sense of direction.  For years I was a single woman, with no kids that traveled, indulged my every whim, and enjoyed life to the fullest.

 At this point in my life I am experiencing my trials and tribulations, everything is now a battle, to be heard, to be respected, to be acknowledged, to be taken seriously, and to be relevant. Thank God  I can write because I've written so many letters to the Board of Ed, various organizations. companies, I feel like I'm back in college,WTF!  My oldest  son has ADHD and my youngest has autism and is totally non-verbal.

 I've had to adjust from a life with no limits to a life with an overwhelming number of limits for my housing, the education of my children, the foods that are best for my kids health and well-being, and even the care of the dog.   

 It has also been a revelation realizing how opinionated people are about the choices you make, and have made in the past.  Whatever happened to unconditional love and support?  I don't recall anyone having a moral dilemma when they were receiving all of my love and support, but now when I need them the most the people that I never dreamed would, have forsaken me.

 On the other half of the coin I have been surprised and encouraged by the love and support I have received from those that truly love me, and a lot of my greatest support has been the kindness of strangers(for lack of a better word) They treat me better than folks I've known all of my life so actually they are the strangers, because I don't know them at all.

 I've been able to re-evaluate what's important and of true value in my life and have been surprised at how much myself and priorities 
have truly changed.  

 Needless to say this shook me to my core, but it definitely helped me understand and appreciate my Mom and all her love, support, and sacrifices even more, and causes me to miss her as if she not long departed this world when in fact it has been over a decade I'm sure ( I still can't really remember when she passed) it's all pretty much still a blur to me and I really don't care because it will never lessen the pain of her being gone, so it really doesn't matter.

 I am proud of the fact that I've been able to maintain my independence, and be self reliant up until this point and my tenacity won't ever let me give up, but I must admit it has truly brought me to my knees, and now I see that as a good thing, as I kneel down to pray...

 God loves me unconditionally, does not judge me, and unlike, man, family and friends won't forsake me..Thank you Jesus!!   

 Don't count me out just yet, like the Phoenix I will rise again renewed in faith, purpose and prosperity.
   
God Willing, and the Creek don't rise...

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