What Do i do Now? HeySistah Publishing

My Autisitic Son will attend school all day!! ALLLLLL DAYYYYY!! I have waited and prayed for this day so long I can't believe it;'s finally here!! Lord knows I waited a long time to have my kids to make sure I would be able to devote myself to them However, I wasn't prepared for how significantly considerable the amount of self sacrifice I would be required to give on a daily basis and the fact that it has taken 5 years for me to finally have some considerable free time to myself!! Thank god their Father is a wonderful provider and is very supportive of our financial and indulges us with all the comforts we could ever want.  I truly don't understand how people that have less than $300 a month to live on do it!! Now I find myself thinking OK whats next for me now?  Do I go back to school and start a new career, or do I steel myself for the next phase of motherhood as Nolan and Jordan are becoming opinionated individuals and are now fighting for the chance to sit...

  JUST THINK ABOUT IT.... Today like most days was  a challenge in and of itself. My 7 yr old has more homework than I remember having in first grade, and I have to ask my friends to help me help my son with his 1st grade homework! At this rate one of us is definitely getting a tutor! I watch Dr. Oz to see how to manage my out of control health, weight and life at 46 and I watch the Chew to get an idea of what the heck to cook other than the usual, sould food, chicken, pork chops, pot roast, and steak.. It is definitely a struggle and it amazes me how after venting to a friend I found out we have similar life issues and she doesn't even have kids!! Wow and just think 100's of time a day I imagine what a carefree life i would have if I wasn't responsible for the life, education, happiness, health, education, growth and well being of my two boys.   Well now it seems thats not the problem, you can have the same issues i have without kids! Quality time for yours...

Motherhood is one Helluva Job!!! Today has been a loooong day. Everyday is a struggle as I try to navigate life without my true north "my mommy" .  The pain of missing my mom is so profound and gut wrenching sometimes I wonder if it would be better just to have someone really hit me so at least the pain would be the result of a physical blow not manifested by the absence of the one woman that understood me emphatically. I don't care how old you are, when times are hard there is nothing like your momma telling you "everything is gonna be ok baby".  The latest current events don't make it any better, I'm still reeling fro m the empathetic feeling of loss I feel for Hidaya Pendleton s mom, at losing her daughter to the senseless violence on these Chicago mean streets.  Fear of being a casualty in a driveby shooting as an innocent bystander for myself and my 2 children is a reality I face everyday living here in the Englewood neighborhood of Chicago...

Everyday is a new day of twists, turns and mood swings with my son that has autism.  He doesn't speak he will  say "mama" but thats all. I've learned to adjust, adapt and be a mind reader!! My loving child gives me plenty of love and affection, and in those calgon take me awy moments , he senses my frustration and gives me a kiss which he expects will keep the "momster" away, and mostly it does! The added time and effort it takes to raise my 6 yr old not to feel neglected and forgotten, I have nooo time, energy or money left to do anything for myself. I  actually went into my closet today and mourned the fact that I haven't worn any of my "Via Spigas" "Dana Buchman"or anything that doesnt have a rubber heel, and all pants that just have elastic in the waist. I decided to put on some makeup the other day and realized I haven't worn it in soooo long I've lost my MAC pressed powder and chestnut lip liner!! I haven't seen ...

Hello World, Being a mom a having health issues since I had my beautiful babies has slowed me down, and forced me to take an intricate look at my past, my present, and what the heck I'm gonna do in my future!! Every family function makes me painfully aware of how much older I am, as I look at my nieces and nephews grow older have children and get married. I became so introspective and I want so much to do as Oprah always encouraged us to do. "Follow my bliss". For as long as I can remember I have been very good at writing, it started when I was very young. One of my first memorable writing ventures took place when I was about 12, and my suave but lazy brother who was in 8th grade had to read " A Raisin in the Sun" and write a book report. Which would seriously interrupt his pimping women, so the night before it was due he offered me money to read the book and write the report for him. I agreed and at about 7pm read the book nonstop and in the wee ...

I am pleasantly surprised daily by how much my 4 yr olds mind is growing, and how he is able to communicate his thoughts, feelings, emotions and also help me be in the moment sometimes when I lose my focus. My son speaks of himself in the 3rd person which is hilarious to me! Earlier he was busy playing with his Elmo vacuum and pretending to clean the floor, and when he was done he politely came to me and said "I need 4 dollars Mom". So I proceeded to count out 4 imaginary dollars in his hand. When I was done he looked at his hand, gave me a very frustrated look and stated " I need 4 GREEN dollars Mom from there!" and pointed at my wallet on my dresser!! I knew then this is the start of me being broke!! Each day he says something to me that to me seems far too wise for his years, and really catches me off guard and make me realize NEVER underestimate the intelligence of a child and what they understand. Well goodnight the two warriors are asleep so too must I!!

Kid's are funny!! My 4 year old is now asking me for what he prefers to eat as opposed to me fedding him what I feel like cooking ( what a bummer ) So today he came to me with my red flannel nightgown perched on his shoulder, with my Janet Jackson control pin from the 80's serving as the clasp in the front, and asked to to cook some snake! ( that is how he pronounces steak). These are the types of things they do that make me laugh, and bring a smile to my lips. Especially when I want to kill him for leaving that little toy car in the floor, that made me do a half gainer down the hall, when I got up in the midle of the night to pee. This is now my fun, no more 5 inch heels and skin tight outfits, the looser the better to hide these childbearing rolls, my favorite loungewear is their fathers 4X t-Shirts (He hates that I wear them) lmao I love my boys this is a new kind of happiness for me.